she looked like the before picture.
I just tried to light a cigarette with a tube of lipstick. If I had stayed in girl scouts maybe I could've made that happen.
Why is there an empty beer bottle in the shower?
Why wouldn't there be.
just because you are in college doesnt mean its okay to pregame easter mass.
I think when she wakes up, she'll either kill me, or laugh. I hope she laughs.
I mean if she was naked in my room I would talk to her
My right boob is officially about a handful while my left is 1 and 3/4 handfuls. I'm staring at the mirror falling into a deep depression.
Can we get blazed at 9:06 on sunday and reenact the moment of my birth?
I get to be your mom.
so according the 72 facebook statuses i put up last night that i don't recall, i would say it was a success. how about you?
I woke up in the closet and then I found my shirt in a bag of Doritos... how does that work out?
She has a boyfriend. But if he's a decent human being he understands blowjobs don't count as cheating with her. Keeping those miracles to himself is a crime against humanity.
I guess crabs is what I get for sleeping with my ex.
Two drag queens are fighting over me. And yet the night is still getting weirder
Everyone's going out for thirsty Thursday and I'm just like. Cool. Enjoy yourself. I'm gonna eat an entire pizza and watch King of Queens reruns.
Nah, I was done when the Big Pun lookalike began to sob and tell me I looked like his ex...
Randomize
