Damn I can't remmbre the last tome I had sobr sex
Um. I believe with my boyfriend, slut
Fuck. Wron person. But yea
And next time, don't pick a fight with me when you're naked. That's just not fair
Theres was an instant understanding between us being drunk on the trampoline at four in the morning and the people walking down the road at the same time
We need you. We already made it on global news and are drunk at the election party.
Just pissed in my own closet. Had no idea adult dinner parties could he so awesome.
Pretty sure I can show you the text you sent me stating some interest in my penis entering your mouth if said circumstances were met.
Last night I texted her to confirm she could start designing costumes for my show this week.
That is one convoluted booty call.
When you see a guy in a wheelchair try to be cool and pop a wheelie, and then fall over backward and hit his head, is it funny or sad?
All I want is to send a text that says "i slept with someone while wearing nothing but purple argyle socks this weekend." But the only person i would send that to is you. But you already know. Because they were your socks.
How big of a disservice to the economy would we be doing if we didn't drink every day holiday break?
It's not ok to announce to a group of people playing beer pong that a girl put her finger in your butt last night. I now know this
Martha Stewart has had a one night stand and is unsure if she's had a threesome. I no longer feel slutty.
you literally stared at me for three minutes and then said "hey this tequila isn't gonna drink itself, boss"
My doctor actually said I was suffering from an "acute hangover" in doctor's note I asked him for....what a douche
I can say with absolute certainty the only time we ever had a civil conversation was when we agreed we both liked pizza.
Randomize
