i think i just puked on my phone
we live great lives
Feel like bed is flying. Not sure where we're going. Hope there is candy.
I just saw the preacher from the church I grew up in while I was buying condoms at the drugstore... he remembered me.
nothing like a negative hiv test and a bag of condoms to brighten my day.
Just thought i should tell someone im on the roof, if i pass out up here because no one found me, im behind the chimney
There's always time for handjobs
I'm not sure what happened. But I must have won because I obviously stole two full pitchers of beer from the bar and taped a note on them saying "your welcome"
I have a physical this friday. On a scale from 1-10, 10 being the most judgemental gay bashing, how much judgement am I gonna get from my dr when he checks my balls and sees the cherry tattoo
Lets go hit some boners bro!
I appreciate the acceptance and inclusion, but that's not how we gay men talk.
I went up by the border of Canada. We took shrooms and went fishing...pretty sure we killed a dragon and ate it for dinner
I just baby talked my cat. While getting ready for bed... Before 10 on a Friday. I'm officially a cat lady.
Checking out a dudes' nachos instead of the dude #foreveralone
Listen, I booty called my boss last night from the company phone. I may need to brush up my resume.
Are those your contacts stuck to the mirror?!
Yeah. Drunk me tried to put my contacts on the mirror where my eyes were.
You know how last week before we left I was drinking outta that blue cup and I left it sitting across the road. Well, it hadn't moved and my family just found it, brought it inside and cleaned it. I think this cup is my soulmate.
Randomize
