the Monday before Thanksgiving is not a Monday at all. Just Thursday in Monday suit.
smoking weed is really the only logical conclusion to hangovers
Try and take me seriously and don't look directly at my hair or the jizz on my pants.
I'm going to see if it catches on fire again, then I'll make the decision.
I woke up this morning covered in blood and peanut butter. I am now safe from vampires with nut allergies.
Dad just showed up on someone else's golf cart, filled an ice chest with booze and left while yelling "SHINANIGANS!!!!" this is going no where fast.
BGSU move in weekend. Just passed a house w a beer pong table set up, ppl already playing, girls holding signs that say "son drop off". It's 10:30 am.
I only got lap dances from the ugliest strippers, i couldnt stop myself from laughing the entire time.
Officially drug you out of White Castle last night by the hood on your sweatshirt after you cussed out the attendant and stole the satisfaction guaranteed sign because they were closed!
And then we felt it necessary to continue drinking for another 4 hours, yikes
Thanks for that golden cinnamony goodness that flowed from your fake tits last night haha
He ended up buying the equivalent of dinner at a Mexican place, in weed
My booty call is in the theater watching Deadpool right now. Never though comics would work against me.
He shit with the door open. I think that means we are in a realtionship.
Tequila should only be paired with the finest of dick
When are you getting back?
Well google maps doesn't have an estimated time for crawling... Could be days
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