it tastes like there's a party in my mouth and everyone is throwing up
I think I just broke my ankle. I've only had one beer. I'm getting drunk before I go to the ER so it's less embarassing.
We've only been driving for two hours and I'm already down 3 vicodin...I'm not going to survive this family vacation.
i feel like verizon should give a sexter of the month award
Its name is Richard. And I think he formally introduced us.
He called my vagina a rainforest. This is coming from a guy whose pubes are longer than his dick.
there are teeth marks in the soap. why are there teeth marks in the soap.
I'm so hungover that if we go to panera, I'll probably get a bread bowl to throw up in.
I have 39 hot sauces from Chipotle
It's like earning obesity badges
My vagina was just really confused why you weren't inside it
Gotta get dat. Gotta get dat. Gotta get dat dat dat dat dat ~uterus contraction~
He's a doctor now.. hope he can cure his small dick
I wonder how many people saw me whip my junk out and bang it on the light post in front of holabird bar and liquors last night. I'm about tired of having to do that.
Nobody saw you except the people in the bar, because you weren't outside. You were inside, and you were smacking it on the mens bathroom door handle
I really hate whoever invented fireball.
But like it was sooo bad! At one point he tried to flip me over and he fell off the bed
My booty call made my bed while I was in the shower. I may have to marry him.
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