Becky drew a cock on my face and is making me sit on the step.
what did you do that she drew a cock on your face and supplemental questions why did you let her?
Killed two birds with one stone: found my wallet and unclogged the toilet.
then she said "on the count of three I think we should apologize to eachother"
Please sleep at your girlfriend's tonight
Why?
'Cause I wanna jack off tonight.. And you being in the room makes things awkward
Do you think my parents will accept my drinking habits more if I told them I like to drink every night because I take good shits the next morning?
What can I say, he stumbled upon the key to my heart: orgasms and mac 'n cheese.
I guess since this is supposed to be my year of the lesbian it's okay
I woke up in a trash can. Please dude. I don't know what I did to you last night, but I'm sorry. Epically sorry. Please call me back. Please.
We got a kitchen table so we would eat together more. So far we've played drunken monopoly and had sex on it.
My mom sucked on that joint like a nipple and she was a fucking newborn
you got to sleep with him and don't even remember it? that's like sleeping through an entire vacation
I told him to send me a dick snap for my birthday. To personalize it, he drew a candle coming out of the tip of it so I could blow it out.
Have you ever eaten pizza and gotten your dick sucked at the same time? Because I have pizza.
Yeah apparently i called the bartender a "fucking prison warden" after she took my keys and called me a cab
I got kicked out of the E.R. for saying "balls".
Randomize
