Cold hands, warm shart.
Come here. I'm drunk. Family Function. Intense Pro-life vs. Pro-choice debate. Bring Republicans.
hey can i ask you a kinda weird question?
i know what the question is. yes they are bigger, and no i did not get plastic surgery
I just told the 2nd grade class leprechauns are the children of midgets.
i tried to get you to come inside, but you insisted on throwing up in the flowers "because they're pretty."
Went to anytime fitness at 3:34 am drunk after the the bar and getting whataburger. Lifted weights with my cheeseburger between my knees. That's called DEDICATION.
Dude I was taking a shower and I kept looking down at the drain expecting Mario to come up, yell "It's a me, Mario!", tickle my balls, and go back down the drain.
Just so you know, a 6'7" tall gay man, with a martini in one hand and a fairy wand in the other, is not a force to be reckoned with...don't ask.
I brought him flowers on my way home from cheating on him. Boyfriend of the year award right here.
Don't do shots out of Tostitos scoops.
pretty sure I blew his mind with the sex last night. He repaid me with a five minute conversation about power rangers.
You can't break up with me. I brought you to see Beyoncé.
I hate csi yet I find myself watching a full marathon. I am also eating hotdog buns stuffed with barbecue chips and they are quite tasty
i'm now remembering the last part of my nigght....ugh. apperently i bargained with the wendys drive up girl after they closed and got "w/e they had left" for $7
I'm about to do something based solely on the fact that a fortune cookie told me to. This may not end well.
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