you fell asleep during kickboxing this morning
how does that even happen??
im about as happy as oj after his trial
Ed hardy stationary at walmart. I'm betting snookie wishes she knew how to write
he was so drunk I had to hold him up and he started crying when he heard an ambulance siren and said "is that for me?"
Well then I realized I had a bigger problem when I woke up a long board.
Like do you hear me I PUKED IN MY OWN HANDS AND HE STILL SAID I WAS GORGEOUS
She called my landing strip a "vagina mohawk"....
Lesbians are weird.
You have not lived until you have drunkenly grinded on your mother. Daughter of the year right here.
I found my keys in the basement freezer. Drunk me is a sneaky little bastard.
So the day after the 4th I'm sitting here drinking Molson and watching NHL free agent frenzy. From patriotic American to drunken Canadian in 24 hours flat. Booyah.
Drinking a grey goose and water in a random chair that I found by the road by myself
So there's that.
I seriously doubt this is the first time pumpkin pie has led to a booty call.
I give out orgasms like candy and ride a motorcycle...how is that not appealing
how early is too early to start drinking over the gilmore girls revival
they gave me money. the money smells like weed. also they gave me weed
Randomize
