your head's too prwtty to be stuck in the books
Uhh me and Jacque peed on the street outside the bar last night and wiped with flowers. I vaguely remember her repeating the word "fresh" over and over.
Crisis Situation. How do you have that "we probably shouldn't make out tonight cause i've got an oral herpes outbreak coming on" conversation on a third date.
At my internship. I get drug tested tmr at 2
Are they going to pay you for the one day you worked?
I just saw a sign that said "STRIPPERS!!! As seen on Jerry Springer!". As if Springer is the highest honor. I'm pretty sure we're in south Georgia.
You would ignore him even if it wasn't NoManUary. It could be the Winter of a Thousand Dicks and you wouldn't talk to that guy.
The Winter of A Thousand Dicks sounds terrifying!!!
Don't stress. That was a joke. I'd trust my pets with no one else. Accidents happen. Sometimes things go smoothly when you help a neighbor out and sometimes you electrocute their fish. Life is funny that way.
Yep, that just happened. My mom just gave me a big bag of drugs for my birthday. She even put them in a fancy bag with tissue paper.
10/10 dentists agree that he is one bangable mother fucker. hint: i am all of these dentists.
I just want the relationship Bob and Linda Belcher have- is that too much to ask?!
Wait are we really having an orgy on Tuesday?
HE PUT A HOLE. IN. MY. HOUSE!!!
We are gonna play a game I like to call what the fuck is in my pocket
i keep smelling vagina and donuts, which pretty much sumarises this morning. happy birthday.
There is a baby in my apartment. What the fuck happened last night?
Randomize
