think i got pink eye from a stripper in vegas. showgirls did not prepare me adequately for this. be kind, 2010.
Got to see someone fall down the stairs while holding hot coffee and a folder full of papers. Best Monday ever.
well after we realized that his best friend and my twin sister were hooking up it was kind of an unsopken agreement that we would too
I just threw up during my phone interview for the largest PR firm in the world.
I don't want to talk about her cat for two hours only to dry hump till I'm blistered. Not worth it.
Dont ask, hes out back rolling around in the yard freaking out. literally just had a 15 minute conversation, only word i could make out was "yellow"
I wouldn't fuck her. Looks like her vagina smells like a seaside orgy.
My friend and I just coined a new term. OBJ. The obligatory blow job. You totally know what I'm talking about.
Like if he goes down on you first, or you just don't want to bone him yet. OBJ.
Tequila me may have very bluntly told him that I wanted to touch his abs.
I just found a casserole dish in my oven filled with broken glass, blood, and chopsticks. And the REALLY fucked up thing is that finding it answered more questions than it raised.
I now have a GPA requirement for guys I hookup with more than once.
I woke up spooning with a broom that someone taped a mustache too..i need to stop starting my nights by drinking "hangover" wine.
Knowing that porn stars want to fall in love is the weirdest thing I've found to be beautiful recently. I'm so lonely.
I definitely don't have enough experience with hookers to be in this group text anymore.
Wait an hour then go and untie him. Bring toilet paper and some spare underwear. Want anything from Starbucks?
Randomize
