I tried booty calling last night but apparently he was too tired and wants to meet up tonight. I told him planning defeats the purpose.
remind me to tell you about the ham sandwich empire im building
iPhone photo doodle is awesome. I gave my vagina some lazers and sent it to him. He has a whole series waiting on his phone for when he gets off the plane.
Things you are not allowed to do while im gone: sell cats on ebay, put cats in freezer again, shave cats like lions, dye cats pink/blue, try to light cats on fire to"wake them up from their nap" agian
Judging by my dry clothes and wet sheets, I think I might have gotten out of bed, pissed ON it, covered it up, and passed out on top of it
I'm not sure if you saw my recent facebook update, but I have already put the Radio Flyer wagon to good use. I had someone pull me to the nearest bar.
Come get her ASAP. She's "people bowling," which is just her rolling into random groups of people. People look pissed.
Stop giving guys blow jobs because you're no good and it's messing up my sex life. Word gets around & then they think it's me and don't believe me when I say I have a twin. Learn to stuck dick right.
So, my ex just showed me the drunk voicemail we left him last night. Started out with me saying "I think it's Shane." Then you took my phone and started singing a song about peanut butter, train tracks, and tequila. I joined in. On the upside, he said he's totally fine with being on the drunk dial list from now on. Soooo, another tequila night??
Yes. That was the exact moment of my conscience clicking into instant high alert.
This was the fourth year in a row I got arrested at Pride. Pretty sure that qualifies me as a legend.
I was so horny last night, I failed to let him know about my current bed bug infestation.
I didn't want to shower, so I shaved my legs in the pool . That drunk .
i pushed adam in a shopping cart for 15 blocks, then we realized we left tyler downtown
did you go back and get him?
nah we went to a karaoke bar instead, so worth it
Beer Olympics must happen in honor of the legit Olympics.
Randomize
