Why did I call the Oregon Department of Transportation at 4:30 in the morning, and who did I talk to for three minutes?
Just think of all the blizzard sex people are having right now
you're just mad cause i madeout with you while having a mouth full of chewed pretzels
Just took a shot out of a used mini planter. Might die from the pesticides, but didnt want whoever took all of my shotglasses to think they won.
My last google search was 'bulk asian wives' I don't know either
The sex I just had was not worth missing a girls night out.
Okay, who took a picture of their pubes shaved into a dragon on my phone and made it the background?!
I heard him crying and I heard him listening to porn... I'm hoping to God they weren't at the same time.
I just dropped a paperclip into my cleavage while talking to the company president... That's an awkward moment.
Did you at least offer to let him get it out??
All of the hungover. I've changed not showered but can't quite make it to the booze.
WE'RE IN THE RED ZONE PLAY THRU THE PAIN
I'm pretty sure the guy who was grinding on me while I was trying to get a drink at he bar was one of my tinder matches
Just beer bonged through a snorkel, add that to the list
Act your age.
I am. I'm acting like a drunk 20 year old.
you said you were going to the bathroom. we found you an hour later laying in the backyard clutching a bottle of vodka while singing the beatles and crying
how is it I left wearing underwear then ended up with none? and why is it they are on you?
Randomize
