even a "fuck you" would be nice at this point.
i told him he had the best dick i've ever seen. then supposedly i kept repeating "peter piper picked the perfect penis"
It felt like his penis had an endoskeleton.
So I called her out for all the gossip she does and she's like "you do the same, bitch"
So I was like "Im classy like the Countess, youre just a bitch like Kim."
Kudos on the Interstate Housewife metaphor.
on of the only things i remember was the security guard told me i was too drunk for laser tag.
No dude, you can't hot box a bus shelter.
all i remember is screaming butter knifes are for pussies.
So at what point do I tell her that I like fucking these hot southern girls more than I like my relationship with her?
I love you. Thanks for all the blowjobs.
in the middle of fucking he asked me if i had gotten a haircut because he noticed i didnt have split ends anymore. i dont know what to think
They shoved things up my nose I feel violated
I love my life sometimes. I do miss being an adult, from time to time, but a little vodka always changes my mind.
Trying not to ruin Mother's Day with the enormous hickey on my neck. Nice.
come pick your gf up from my house. she's sitting in the fridge and hissing at the cat to let her eat the potatoes. btw i dont have a cat
My vibrator turned on under my pillow when I was taking a nap this morning... I nearly shit my pants.
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