Bar closing I am hiding in the bathroom. do you think anyone will find me?
I'm getting drunk watching the disney channel. Is this a main reason why we aren't together anymore?
just got my girl scout cookies. wanna get high?
literally every day that goes by where he doesn't talk to me makes me more determined to get him to have sex with me
Just woke up. My philosophy paper is a play, and my paper for musical theater is about physics. That's some dank shit you sold me
You just kept screaming "You are no House!!!" at the ER doc trying to stitch your head
i put that paper plate back in your cabinet because i ate all the ketchup off and you can't even tell. you're welcome.
The nurse who basically saved my life just came into the store. Didn't recognize her. Awwwwkward.
Idk he's just laying there passed out with a French fry up his nose and without any pants on. Boner and everything.
I swear to all that is holy, next time you get my mom high with your "special bake sale" I am going to put your dick in the blender.
i know you're upset so i should probs be supportive but i've got nothing in that department. your life suuuuucks
I gave you the craziest sex experiences of your life, the least you could do is let me keep the sweater.
So I'm sitting here baked on a bridge thinking about how plants think, I miss you so much
Great news. Our sex broke my otter box
Dude, you GARGLED with bleu cheese last night!
Randomize
