google image searching george stephanopoulos at 1 AM on a saturday night...once again
I think I saw a glimmer of recognition, but she must not have been able to make me out through all of her whorishness.
My BOSS just pulled out a box of Christmas stuff labeled reefs.
it's just like freshman year of high school, with more drugs
i lost my phone in the process of getting a condom out of my hair
When she e-mailed me back asking for proof, complete with hospital intake records, I just told her it was a home-birth. I'm prepared to take the fail.
My one night stand found me at the library and randomly gave me plan B. He was scared I was going to get pregnant because he has a very high sperm count.
I know how I'm going to make my fortune.. designing an icepack made specifically for the vagina.
She tried to beat the waitress over the head with a bread stick because one of her martini olives was missing a pimento. All while screaming "IT'S GAMEDAY BITCH"
Olive Garden will never be the same.
It makes no sense at first, you go with it, it's fun and entertaining and then a disaster
These flip flops mean I'm casual, but I'm here to fuck.
A condom just fell out of me. Happy Tuesday.
Yea she is hot. But she also had no toothpaste in her entire apartment.
Cockblock successful. That's for pouring nacho cheese on my flatscreen, asshole.
What the fuck was I thinking eating an entire tub of potato salad on acid. My stomach today bro
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