apparently when i got back to tyler's i layed face down on the bed and yelled "don't hurt my asshole!"
My wife all of the sudden got markedly better at giving blow jobs. Should I be happy or concerned?
Do you have any idea how hard it is to cum to Chingy?!
I swear to god he's a one man village people.
ttyl tear gas
She walked home carrying a six pack of beer and someone elses cat
SHE BETTER HAVE BROUGHT BACK MY FUCKING COUCH CUSIONS OR SHES GUNNA GET IT.
I just found a piece of squished oatmeal cream pie in my armpit. So very sad.
Mom just told me I need to start having sex.
I think someone tried to make a huge bowl of ramen in my bathtub. There's noodles everywhere in my bathroom.
I saved a note for myself but all it said was "am I a slutty Holden Caulfield?"
Next year, please remind me not to be at a damn Super Bowl party with screaming children whose parents can't control them. I will sell the little suckers to the fucking circus passing through town.
Ya apperently its not "appropriate" to fuck in the school auditorium
I did cocaine with my cab driver all night. It was the best date.
New fact of life: getting Becca high never helps any situation at all ever.
Why did I wake up with a skeleton in my bed? Is it from the lab?
Oh crap, that's where it ended up. Yeah, don't ask.
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