How do I recover from singing "your body is a wonderland" on his voicemail?
we had to stop you from eating moldy cake.. twice.
I think my multiple attempts of taking his life, no matter how unintentional they were, has put a damper on our friendship
I drove your lawn mower home. Hope you don't need it tonight. I'll bring it over tomorrow.
I just invented spray cheese vodka. tastes real nasty but does the trick.
What is the current exchange rate for ramen to jello shots?
The ideal thing to do next party is to tape my boobs down so they don't knock over the pong cups while playing defense. They came back to hurt us this time
If the world ends now I want you to know I was on my favorite toilet fighting the good fight.
So this bar tattoo not looking that great now
I woke up with Pop Rocks stuck to my ass
Will you remind me I changed my hotspot phone password to fuckyouprivilegedwhitedude
Now all I have unanswered questions and a fucked up finger
All i remember is looking at the bottle vodka that I was drinking and wondering how it was suddenly empty.
That may have had to do with you chugging it
Dude chill patience is a virtue.
WHY DOES PATIENCE HAVE TO BE A VIRTUE, WHY CAN'T HURRY THE FUCK UP BE A VIRTUE?
How did delivering mac n cheese to my drug dealer become a two hour outing?
Randomize
