smell like capt'n and strawberry champagne
I really like you and I'm tired of just hooking up. I want you be my boyfriend.
Uhh, I'm not breaking up with my girlfriend to be with you.
girl you didnt miss much. except me passing out for 3 hours AT JOBBIE NOONER on some random's boat. i was topless, then completely naked. heard girls were throwing ice cubes at me. i was useless. remember nothing.
I have a pussy blister if you wanna poke at it with a needle tomorrow...by this text i realize just how strange our relationship is, especially because you're probably excited
I think you mean your blister is filled with pus...atleast i hope
You told the waitress last night "What tip bracket do I have to be in to see your boobs"
she bonged a coffee cause she was hungover. then she bonged a beer cause she got ambitious. then she barfed. then she had to start over again.
I had ketchup on my elbow and a random girl goes "I got it" and licked it off, only on game day
i got two bottles of merlot and sorrows to drown, you in??
I'm working on finding a bottomless situation. Both pants and mimosas.
He tried to take a picture of me naked but only got my ass. I don't know his name but if my butt is a guys wallpaper, that's the one I boned.
I said his dick tasted like a Hawaiian Sweet Roll. And then I yelled MAHALO.
I am at a point in my life where I don't want to brush my teeth for my tinder date because toothpaste and martinis don't mix.
We were 6 minutes into the movie before we realized the whole movie was spoken in Italian. That level of stupidly-ripped
why is there a shopping cart in my back seat? and a dick drawn on the side of my car?
Your aunt just offered to blow me for a ride home....how did you end up such a prude?
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