The sex was great until she started shouting, "Succeed!, Succeed!" Then it was like I was fucking a motivational speaker. Awkward.
Breaking personal boundaries is my trademark
I'm puking to John Mayor, save me. Or at least change it to somethong beyyt
We just had to use a designated driver to get to night class.
I want to buy her liposuction. And a spot on What Not To Wear. And a face transplant.
The $10 cab ride turned into a $60 cab ride when you puked down the back of his seat trying to whisper in his ear. He was a trooper though, he came into to wash off in the sink and still tried to get your number.
I think it's a scientific achievement that I can make jelly that is 95% vodka so suck it up.
I'm not even pretending to study anymore. I'm straight up sleeping in the library
i came outside and he was eating her out on my lawn. i refuse to pick up the dog shit in my yard so i hope he chose the spot wisely
I yelled "NO FLEX ZONE!!!" at the guy that thinks it's cool to take off his shirt at the party then proceeded to puking
He said he discovered the mysteries of the universe inside an orange... I want whatever he was on.
His front door was open but I INSISTED on army crawling FOOT FIRST under the garage door. Then I peed the bed.
There is blood all over my sheets and no discernible source.
You were arrested in a tiara again... maybe you shouldn’t wear one.
I’m making a jello mold of my penis
Will it be as disappointing as your actual penis?
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