my door was closed and her door was closed but even over the r.kelly playing at full blast i was able to hear her say "THAT'S NOT THE RIGHT HOLE!". Def rethinking my roommate situation.
I told him it was like a man's penis, but smaller.
just got a rotting pancake and bacon in the mail from your address....
Im so ripped right now that i just filled the almost empty bottle of choc syrup with milk and drank it straight out of the bottle. It was on pointttttt.
I REALLY appreciate you guys taking care of me when im wasted but i think its weird when i wake up in different clothes than black out in
New rule : you aren't allowed anything . Ever .
Just went outside to gather hail to use to make margaritas since we ran out of ice. That's God's way of helping us out.
I just listened to "Eye of the Tiger" and did 5 shots to prep going over to see him.
nothing like walking in the house at 3 am in my panties and a sheer shirt carrying a life sized cardboard dale earnhardt jr
If I have to give a UPS guy a lap dance, you owe me a drink.
drinking right out of the bottle and nobody bats an eye.
its good to be home.
It will be like a scavenger hunt.. only we're looking for places to have sex.
The Wolf of Wall Street “I ain’t fuckin’ leaving!” speech when the cops broke up your party though...
WHY DID YOU NOT OFFER TO LET HIM STAY
Dude, it's like you want him inside me more than i do
We are gonna have a bake sale and the preceded will go towards the abortion
Randomize
