Our Icelandic basketball player brought cocaine and rachael is screaming that he should do lines off her stomach. It's that kind of party
Dude, just be careful. Her invitation for BJ is just a trap for her to stick her finger up your ass.
I'm sports announcer narrating myself making a sandwich. Your weed wins.
somehow he and i always have our deepest conversations after phone sex.
Literally just saw a 7 year old intently rub his penis on the metro. I'm not ready for this
Prerry sure I narrowly avoided being tazed by a swat cop last night... But on the up side, we found my purse.
you know it's been too long when the heat of a pizza box on your lap turns you on.
Today I learned that when you lick a mans butthole, you get wined and dined at a nice french restaurant.
the only thing she has in her apt so far is toilet paper and shot glasses. you can see where the priorities lie.
I didn't even respond. Just letting the crazy settle before I calmly fuck his shit up.
ALL I WANT FOR CHRISTMAS IS FOR YOU TO SHUT THE FUCK UP FOR ONCE
I'm trying to secure Christmas dick. Idgaf if he has strep or not.
Being drunk at Chick-fil-A is a dystopian experience
A guy just threw up in my lecture of 500 ppl and just got up and walked away
Let me know if you need some dick this weekend.
Between the BF being in town, partying at the Side Dick’s house tonight and two Tinder dates tomorrow I’ve got dick to spare!!
Randomize
