Dude why does my asshole itch so bad?
I'll teach you how to wipe better
I don't even know what he looks like, all i've seen of him is his dick
the rest of him looks just as crooked
mom and dad are leaving for florida on 4/20, this is a sign
Turns out Woolite can get the cum stains out of her moms couch.
I sang again at the bar lastnight I don't think alanis morrset knew when she wrote you outta know that the drunk version was going to be go fuck yourself Josh and Chelsea. I love $2 wells.
We aren't really supposed to respect our bodies til our mid twenties.
Remember that time we got drunk tomorrow
So are you actually going to come fuck me in the ass this weekend, or was that just you being drunk in a kilt?
Everyone heard you scream that I was to be naked, in your bed in 5 minutes. We were one hell of a shitshow spectacle
What kind of scumbag goes to a baby's 1st birthday party with a black eye? This kind. Me. I'm disgraceful.
Hey sorry for calling you so much last night. I mixed your number with the pizza guys, and he was running late
I changed his name in my phone to "Irrelevant" last night. Not changing it back.
Not sure how but he broke three of his fingers while giving a blowjob. How does someone that accident prone survive to adulthood?
So I'm at home coloring while smoking a joint. It can only go down hill from here.
he's not even weird he's been offering me different drinks all night
oh i remember now hes the guy that liked when i peed on him
Randomize
