Its about time the women of america have a president they can masturbate to again
I enjoy that i have a whole shelf of clothes that I've accumulated from random sex. You know the ones you get to make the morning after look less awkward like similar to an athletes trophy shelf
just walked out of chelsea's house and saw cameron slapping his dick against her car. cant even make this shit up if i tried.
if someoen knew that someone accidentally drunkly kissed your boyfriend would you want them to tell you/?
followup question: what if both somones were me?
Thats cool. we found a cat INSIDE a coke machine.
I knew he was a nice guy, because when we switched positions he flipped the mattress so I wouldn't have to lay in a pool of his sweat.
Tell your boyfriend I'm sorry for ruining his vein. I'm never drawing blood drunk again.
I wish I could rewind to my 8th birthday instead. I wanna wake up, eat as much cake as I want, and have a Transformers birthday party without someone judging me.
I didn't plan on sleeping with him until he told me his mom is deaf.. Then I felt bad.
So take that alcohol. I still win. I ALWAYS WIN. Plus i didn't have to wear clothes. DOUBLE WIN.
Dude. Steinbecking. It's when you double-fist coffee and alcohol to help you meet a writing deadline.
You woke up, mumbled something about forgetting to lock the truck at work, slapped my ass, then passed out again...
Hot date tonight for the first time in months and I just cut my dick shaving. PRAY FOR ME.
You know it's time to call it a night when every guy in the bar (all 3 of them) have seen you naked at one time or another.
Thanks for ruining my life with your man penis
Randomize
