I don't understand how people can have that much vomit in them
Don't bite the hand that gives you multiple orgasms
They're giving me a hotel, and this chick doesn't have a place to stay for the night... I swear this is how real life Porno starts.
I just found a thank you note I apparently wrote to my bed last night for letting me borrow the comforter.
me neither. i remember bell pepper tequila but not why or yelling
Hahaha, I forgot about doing shots out of the bell pepper
Just go to your happy place. Mine is with Jake Gyllenhaal & schnapps
I can get there in 20, one question, Drress Code? Stripper Lite (make up may require an additional 5-10 minutes), Suggestive Professor (professor Kamil's cleavage ain't got nothing on me), Daywear, Dyke (and trust me you ain't seen dyke), or Exactly What I'm Wearing Right Now. (all of the above may arrive under a coat and are subject to my level of sobriety. Which is currently like nonexistent).--xoxo you know you love me, Gossip Girl.
I just got my evaluation. My manager told me he hated my guts and pretty much wanted to stab me in the face. Then he gave me an "exceeds expectations" on pretty much everything and a raise.
He's so vague sometimes. Like dude, we've been friends for 3 years. I don't need you to be vague, I need you to be inside of my vagina.
Eating chips and sending nudes. This is my life.
You just put lesbians and Hogwarts in the same sentence. Of course I'm in.
Pretty sure we're going to get a cease & desist notice from the Make A Wish Foundation, but until then...
Like pizza and mermaids make up about 1/3 of my thoughts on the weekends.
I hope that will b the last time i take off my pants in the chemistry building.
Remeber when we went camping and fucked those two guys? Yeah me either but I'm covered in poison oak so I'm guessing it's from that.
Randomize
