I just walked by a ginger with a mullet. I repeat GINGER mullet. So help us God.
Just looked at my call log. I called Planned Parenthood at 3am.
My fight-or-flight response is really more fight-or-fuck
Remember when I was so high that I thought my appendix burst? All I had to do was fart man, just fart.
Oh shit. The kids are pole dancing on a broom. It's like I'm seeing my future offspring before my eyes.
Oh, and my friends believe you should reimburse me for the brazilian that was gone to waste.
My dad told me my only assignment from now til graduation is to not die. it's a legit concern for him.
I just threw up blood. Also i just remembered i got hit in the face with a 2 by 4.
We laughed. We cried. We came everywhere.
You should make us a hot pocket to split while I go throw up.
Nah it's alright, I'll just ride cock all the way to hell
If it exists, I've probably pregamed it.
I don't think there's a ladylike way to tell this guy I want to sit on his face
Yelled "don't taze me bro" as the police officer tazed me. Cross it off the list.
yea i'll help you find a man. but, when I say jump, you say on who.
Randomize
