Right on... I dropped my chapstick
I blacked out
Doo rag and shades in the bar. You are missing your future husband.
I think i just got paid for sex with a hot pocket... and i accepted
You ended at least 6 stories with "and that's why I don't snort coke anymore"
You may or may not have poured bacon fat down her shirt
what do i owe you?
$237.46 to be exact.
if im having that much fun on the weekend i better start remembering it.
You can cross "give someone a blow job while playing Colors of the Wind" off my bucket list.
Maybe her vagina is like a vacuum
I can't decide if that would be a good or bad thing. I'm leaning toward good
I'm sober. Being kissed by a chick with a llama puppet. Shoot me now.
I feel that my cleavage set an unattainably high bar for 2013.
I'm gonna write a book one day about how to be the less attractive person girls settle for after getting dumped. I will send you a copy
He rubbed my back afterwards. I forgot how to talk and I legitimately thought I was a cat for a few minutes.
Jesus Christ that hit just spoke to so many levels of my soul. It's caressing them softly
Don't worry you weren't as drunk as you thought. You only fell 4 times.
WHY DON'T YOU WANT TO BE MY ESKIMO BRO
Randomize
