I'm pretty sure his head is too big to fit between my legs. Worthless.
Pretty people don't get stds, I knew it
it's great music for shaving your balls
This place doesnt have redbull or serve shots. Its like they are at war with fun.
Kayla got stiches in her face. Rode in an ambulance shotgun. Tried to steal a baby, thought it was mine
No, the real question is if you drink like I drink why WOULDN'T you wear a cape.
You told me if you could get your shoes on, you deserved a coke and rum. We never made it to the party.
That's actually a fantastic idea... The kinky sex dungeon will be vastly improved by the addition of a lightsaber
Zach, it's Lisa from work. Was that you yeiling BALLS DEEP at me on I-25 or is it just something about me that invites that from rando creeps?
I chased him for half a mile, lost him then somehow ended up at his house. Is that still considered stalking? I WAS drunk.
I just found a voice recording from Tanya's bachelorette party when we found you drunk in downtown being harassed by a crazy dude dressed like a clown and we rescued you. Attached is a voice recording of me interviewing you after we found you. I titled it Carlos Batman.
I once took a shot of lighter fluid.. That's not a secret just a fucked up story
I'm having to shit out rocks
Didn't know my clit could produce that many orgasms in one night. Fuck my husband; think I might have to become a lesbian.
Very mixed signals tonight. He gave me the best handjob while gloating about the Superbowl to his dad on the phone. When he was done he left me on the sofa alone for ten minutes before returning with wet wipes beer and nachos.
Randomize
