i'm so high i feel like the people i'm chatting with online can some how see that i'm naked.
just taught 3 girls from korea how to fist pump on chat roulette.
It's been so long since i rode in a trunk. I'm riding in a trunk btw
In an m&m suit playing manhunt drunk. And you thought you werent guna have a good time
I five year old is judging me because I just opened a bottle of Sam Adams with my teeth before 8am
I feel like my nipples were chewed on by alligators.
Some days you just pee in a stairwell and go home.
bought even stevens on dvd and enough weed and pizza bagels to last us a week.. ready to get snowed in?
I straight up told your dad I've slept with a majority of your family
10 shots in she's sitting on the floor using the open dishwasher door as a plate to eat her "life giving" pizza.
Just wanted to share my unfortunate vagina news in the hopes that it would make your vagina feel better about itself.
Also, you think turning 23 is bad, I just ran into the guy that gave my chlymidia
Woke up in a car, do you own a silver car parked a few miles form the house...hope so
My new plan is to whip out my titties when they arrive. Maybe they won’t notice that I broke the couch fucking my boss...
I do have a moral compass! I can’t help it if it only points at penises
Randomize
