i just told my boss to make it rain at camelot later...what is wrong with me?
You know, as long as there were ice cream breaks, I would totally eat chips for a living.
I remember why I come home for the holidays. Sam Adams is the cheapest beer in the fridge
Someone will be leaving this trip either pregnant or devastated.
she told me i tasted like america
There I was staring at a teeny weeny black one and a huge white one. It was like an episode of Myth Busters
Are you pissed because you didn't get action, or the fact i got boned twice in public places tonight?
No way. Every time you have sex with him you'll end up staring into those eagle eyes and stop mid-orgasm.
He literally chugged a bottle of wine in under 2 minutes. Stood up, said "fuck what ya heard" and stabbed the bottle into their drywall.
I knew no one else would have gone along with it since it's morally wrong and probably illegal. You said, "Yes. And let's add fireworks."
I just Miyagied my roommate through her first set of tit pics. Her fuck buddy owes me.
Hooray! My email address wasn't leaked by Ashley Madison!
I will chop off your penis
Like I fucked him in the shower at 3 am when I had classes all day the next day so he can't say I'm not dedicated
Turns out I tore my ACL when I fell off the mechanical bull.. Happy bday to me
PROBABLY?!! And here I was, about to buy you a glow-in-the-dark banana-flavored cock ring... Now I "probably" won't.
Randomize
