I just spent twenty minutes with brandons dad explaining why head isnt typically considered sex...can we say awkward?
I just creeped all your pictures on Facebook -- it was like I watched you grow up right before my eyes.
I smell like Captain Morgan and tears
Well apparently I'm no fun since I won't have a threesome with him and my mother.
Absolute soulmates or functional alcoholics?
Can't be the first without the last
Hey. Me and my buddy are drunk. you wanna give us tattoos of the hawaiian punch guy we shall pay very well. Seriously dude. no bull shit.
Can we put this graduation on the shelf figuratively and go drink
who started the 'put a scrunchy' around his balls' game?
But I got head on a boat yesterday which was sweet until a bald eagle flew over. Then it became life affirming.
He also told me he would eat mozzarella sticks before having sex with me so I'm mad at him.
We were sexting and i didn't know what to say, so i said i wanted to wrap him in tortillas and devour him like a burrito. then i went on by saying that i liked my burritos with a lot of cheese.
don't judge but I think I'm gonna go fuck a dad this weekend
Holy fuck, my entire boob is bruised! Lierally my boob is just one big bruise.
You know what...ii have the turtles...were together....i love these god damn turtles...
So if my boyfriend and I hooked up with the same girl it’s not like I cheated. It’s communal.
Randomize
