Remember ______, girl, blonde, one of my roommates the first year of ________?
Yeah we hooked up in the top bunk bed while simultaneously having a conversation with u, so yeah, I remember her
its awkward enough using a urinal next to your dad but its worse finding out hes one of the guys who goes no hands and moans it out
I'm done trying to be a vegetarian. My vagina smells like hummus.
I'm glad my gym is open 24 hours..I stopped in on my way home to puke from the bar
mom and dad are asleep. time to fish my half-full bottle of wine out from under my bed and give this christmas visit a pick-me-up.
"half-full" seems a little optimistic for the turn your night is taking.
3 girls crying in the bathroom at the bar. Its like a Christmas song
She took a picture of me when she thought I was sleeping. I don't know whether to be amused or scared.
Are you also wondering how we get home after the party bus?
Home?
Omg 230 lb butch lesbian with a mustache grabbed my dick. I need an adult
You might have crossed the line by jerking off while she was in the bathroom taking a prego test. Just saying
Tomorrow, you will get a text, and it will bE spelled right, that's me yo, certify ya soon
I feel like i'm walking on a never-ending field of baby sheep.
Sit down my child. It's time you were told of my famous loss-of-virginity story entitled, "The Penis that Never Could."
I'm sitting at dinner with my family looking over sexts. The thirst is far too real. They're talking about retail and I'm like haha, yes, you are all correct.
He told me to be a woman and make him dinner. So I threw a bagel at him and went out to dinner.
Randomize
