True true and the only thing that will burn more than the vodka we will consume is the shame in our loved one's eyes
And yet we make it a tradition to get inappropriately drunk at family functions. We amaze me.
At least it's not a funeral this time... I feel we're making improvements.
I just heard a mom tell her toddler son "shut the fuck up. Don't ask me to buy you shit when i'm taking u to go see some fucking animals" welcome to the bronx.
dude sorry about putting my finger in your butt last nite i was wasted and thought it was mine
is it wrong that I want a "Where The Wild Things Are" tshirt that points to my junk?
champagne bombs. Yes, i think that is where things may have gotten out of control.
He insisted on us having sex while watching the biggest loser and asked me if I could "resist the temptation".
its like..once you have one emotional drunk night, you can't stop. i feel like i have to end every drunken night in tears and i dont think my roommates think it's heartwarming anymore
You just sent me a picture of a federal crime. Like. You don't give a fuck.
Except if I'm having sex. In which case you're in the bed with us or out of the room. No halfsie participation.
Dude, I puked in the stall for God knows how long. Halfway through, a kid sits down in the stall next to me and starts jacking off, i heard the porn on his phone and everything. so FYI, the middle stall is where good nights go to die
She sneezed like 10 times, put her head down on the table and then laid down on their couch and fell asleep. In the middle of the dominoes game. I'll never understand why my dad continues to provide my mom wine.
He sent me a picture of his dick saying "your throne my lady" for my birthday. He knows the way to my heart.
my talents include tricking people into giving me money and free drugs
pray to the hookup gods
I found my bra I wore on Friday night...he fucked the underwire out of it
hahahahaha
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