Is it a bad that I spent my 5 year anniversary with my husband texting my ex boyfriend?
they told me her nickname is "wizard sleeve"
pick me up NOW
Just FYI, I'm breaking up with my boyfriend tonight and you need to be on call to be my first rebound bang
I heard liver failure is in for 2012 anyways
And I swear to god I'll divorce you if you so much as say a single sentence in Yoda talk in our bedroom. I may be a nerd but that's just fucking creepy
I wish I could just hang out in ERs.
its ok, the prom king gave me his crown to puke in
Celebrating landing my dream job by watching zombie movies and drinking free booze in the bath. I'm like 90% sure I just won life.
Question: what's the protocol for seeing your mistress walking alongside her clueless boyfriend? If you could answer this ten minutes ago, that'd be great.
I guess she was just worried I'd end up sleeping with you again
It's not too late to disappoint her you know...
You threw your body across the gross couple hooking up on the couch and demanded they scratch your back. I love you drunk on peach schnapps
Also...I'm semi-dating the drug dealer that took me to bible study
She was wearing American flag underwear. How could I NOT fuck her?
You're a true patriot.
Ccatlin cimbing thru th sunroof plz come
I just sharted for the first time in my life. Age 33. Lying in bed. Sober. 2021 is off to a great start!
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