so i had a choice between studying for my physics test on fluid dynamics or spend the night with my girlfriend. hello doubletasking.
Did you know Kal Penn works at the white house? That's almost white castle.
Thats about the time I should have known you would run around naked and try to make out with my sleeping mother
I am currently prioritizing my hw by splitting into things i can and things i cant do drunk. Oh college
why do guys feel they can ask questions when im blowing them? you'd think they'd know my answer will always be "mmhmhmhmmm"
i just got offered coke by a strung out pilot. my night just got a lot more interesting.
we were spooning and you were the big spoon but you insisted that I call you "the ladle"
i think our first tip to leave should have been when we saw the drinks were coming out of a gas can
My STD test came back clean. I'd like to thank all the guys I've slept with, they made this possible. I want to say thanks to all my friends, for believing in me living up to the full slut potential. And last but not least, I'd like to thank alcohol. I wouldn't be who I am today w/out you. I feel like I need to frame this...
He drunk dialed T-Mobile at 3am and talked to them for 45 minutes and got his phone bill lowered from $80 to $60... Best drunk dial ever.
Life gets in the way of sexy Saturday sometimes
Well I found out I was essentially dumped and replaced by a hipster and apparently offered a girl $95 to go out with me. In the spirit of the Olympics I will not be spending any time on the medal stand.
I might as well rub my vagina against it before I throw it away.
I was just doing the math on how much beer we need for the houseboat. in doing so, I came to the conclusion that we need to open a beer distributor business.
last night i reached the point where my boob implants paid for themselves in free drinks. to celebrate lets go out and get more free drinks tonite.
Randomize
