Racial profiling caused me to miss two cabs but the third cabs the charm - he's playing Jesus Music
so then she threw up in his asshole
yep..that'll do it.
so...dinner was kid's cuisine and a bottle of wine. i think they go well together.
I lost my phone so I put sticky notes all over my roommates body asking her to wake me up at 7:00 AM.
I tried to put the left over margartia in a box for you but they wouldn't let me
I am sweating out the vodka to make room for the whiskey tonight.
you probably have like 11 voicemails from us, one is us singing my heart will go on while were fucking
Hundreds of bug bites..Dad jokingly says "looks like you passed out naked in the woods somewhere"
See, it wasn't that I broke my nose having sex. Its that I forgot about the bedposts...
We found you facedown on his couch in a pile of cheerios, with only one shoe on. Dude you said you were staying in last night.
i was really hopeful that i could make it to the end of the semester without doing something stupid enough to destroy our relationship but i guess i was wrong..........thanks vodka
He is so pussy whipped she has made him change his name to Toby
My neighbor came out@4am in a pink nite gown n clotheslined a punk on a mo-ped w/her mop handle, then just walked back in her house like she just checked the mail. MILF 1 PUNK 0
We just finished having sex and as soon as we get out of bed he yells "trust fall" and runs me over
I forgot that I'm high because of how high I am.
Randomize
