No, she passed out instead. I have the worst luck, its like Jesus is mad at me for having the same birthday as him
i'm about to say screw it and get drunk in the hotel by myself
It's 2 pm, at least sit by the pool...
And for some reason I was covered in ants... So your probably covered in ants as well
I feel like we had some profound moment last night, but I can't really recall much past your ass turning up the volume on the radio.
I thought 4 percs were too many but I'm dumping Gogurt on apple pie and taking giant bong rips. This feels right.
I couldn't drink enough to fuck the friend, you said challenge accepted and stole some chicks shot.
I'm mailing you cans of corn and that's final.
My vibrator looks like a lipstick tube. So does my mace. I just realized the potential problems of keeping them both in the same bag.
Because you failed to stop the wedding, now I have to be a homewrecker. My eternal damnation is on your head I hope you're proud.
At one point I yelled "THIS IS MY PENANCE FOR EVERYTHING I'VE DONE WRONG" and started saying Hail Marys
I was drunk and on Craigslist.. The drunk-text offers people got must have been either horrifying or glorious
Nothing says "i love you" more than flowers and potatoes
Wtf. So apparently this 5 star establishment doesn't allow strip putt putt in the parking lot. We all just got kicked out of our rooms.
before i could order beers she was on stage 69ing with a stripper
yeah true but how easily can you rip a scrotum
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