the chick doesn't look like she's put anything in her mouth for weeks other than his dick.
There's an amish chick decked out in amish clothes on a cell phone staring at me.
I'm at the house listening to vengaboys alone. Please come home.
they made me velveta mac and cheese and fish. I wanna stay here the rest of my life
My life has literally become a dickpocolypse. Thank you, summer, I missed you.
I woke up to her vacumming the grass
NC is no longer selling 190 proof Everclear. We are officially no longer the greatest state.
Sober December ended when I found beer behind my bed...I lost $2000 but spent 6 hours sober. Meet me at the bar?
I'm afraid to text her because most of the time she just replies with "cockblock."
In reality u ask do u have beer at your house but what your really saying is will there be cock in my mouth
My ass is underappreciated
who knew my inner goddess was such a whore
Who told you that acid and Jurassic World was a good idea?
dont remember, but I'm pretty sure I was convinced that the hybrid dinosaur was satan the whole time. It was actually very spiritual
In other news I was masturbating last night and came really fucking hard to the thought of yelling at a customer....
I mean...if Marco gets pregnant, it is either the spawn of Satan or the second coming of Christ (neither of which I want in my life). So let's just hope that he doesn't grow a womb and that we don't have to consider either option.
Randomize
