when a girl says 'did you just try to kiss me' you should leave the bar. trust me.
There's an amish chick decked out in amish clothes on a cell phone staring at me.
I'm pretty sure "Like A Prayer" will forever remind me of drunk nights & pants down around the ankles
I walked downstairs and there were 50 sorority girls. I wasn't expecting an audience during my walk of shame.
Internet sex stories have completely ruined the word sopping for me.
No amount of marijuana is enough to justify blood on my ceiling
he called us the olsen twins. we also rapped ignition much to his dismay.
you want a dog just so you can strap a barrel of hot chocolate around its neck?
I think it was the free bomb shots from the creepy bolivians that sent us over the edge
Logically he should not be walking around...after that fall he should be in a hospital in a medically induced coma
Dude that's beautiful. I've never heard of someone smoking with their bunny.
I feel like I have a connection with him. A marijuana-induced-spiritual connection.
Well I can't message him and be like "hey I was behind you in CVS a month ago and I remembered your last name and DOB and looked you up on fb and added you so wanna hang out"
I convinced a German girl that I was born while my mom was water skiing and I preceded to barefoot ski behind her via the umbilical cord...
you kept shouting 'jesus penis' when i was on the phone with 911
Do you knowhow much it sucks to puke in an automatic toilet? Not fun.
Ew.
It takes talent let's just say that
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