I want to come over to your house, give you money for liquor, fuck you, and then kick it untill I have to go home. Was that blatent enough for you?
She wouldn't stop telling me the story of the penis and how she got laid.
Honestly dude, i think you should ignore the restraining order if you really love her.
Please tell me I did not ask the bartender how big his dick was.
Just had a flashback of dry humping a man lying in the street while Jim (dressed as santa) screams 'HAVE YOU BEEN A GOOD BOY?!'
I take pleasure in knowing how many gallons of booze we've put away in comradery.
I think we should measure in "bathtubs"
His hair looked like he was in a bukaki and then got a perm right after
You went in the back with her.. And honestly I couldn't tell her neck from her tits man..
Just assume that every drink in that house has alcohol in it.
No other way to put this but the dick was not worth him crying for an hour after. No more online hookups.
I know. It was just so disappointing. I almost made it. And now the "when's the last time you peed your pants" clock has restarted. Lol
IS NO AN EMOTION BECAUSE THAT'S WHAT I'M FEELING RIGHT NOW
Swiping left on your brother's Tinder account is possibly the worst way to learn he broke up with his girlfriend.
When my card got declined you bought the vibrator without me even asking. This is what friendship is.
Having a bangable neighbor is going to ruin my booty call game. I refuse to go across town for dick now
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