she gave me a schnouzer then wanted to kiss while we were having sex...i had to puppy slap her nose. pick me up out front.
I think we should involve a squid next time we fuck.
u kno there is a reason i dont tell mi friends about u
Karaoke makes my soul die one wretched song at a time
areolas are like halos for boobs.
Either he masturbated at the end of the bed or she gave him a bj. Either way my bed was shaking and I was uninvolved.
she got to the point every few minutes she checked to see if her boobs were still there.
Well, there are worse ways to make $50 at a gay club.
We welcome drunken adversity.
With open legs.
You threw up? Were you ladylike while you did it? I'm wagering that you were. Like a Disney princess. Like a "Puke Me Pretty" Barbie.
Need to find a Santa hat to fit my penis, he deserves to be festive too.
We drunkenly built a couch fort and fucked in it. I've known her since preschool. This was every childhood fantasy mixed with adult dreams come true.
The guy who was interviewing me asked if I had coke on my pants. You win this time Las Vegas
Everything is fine, it's not hung over in here at all\n\n*Narrator* *but in fact everything was not fine*
Like every two minutes he would pull out and whipser "don't you do it, you bastard" while looking at his penis. His new name in my phone is 'penis whisperer'
I know... It's stupid... It's like, I have sex with his brother and bestfriend ONE time....
Randomize
