So I have to ask... did I meet your lumberjack expectations? I mean, minus the red flannel and all.
I don't think you have the libido for two women at the same time
I think you underestimate the amount of time spent masturbating
Always fun waking up to 911 as your last dialed call.
Two dudes got up on top of the pianos and danced shirtless. They didnt even get kicked out. I love vegas
Last time we were that stoned we made a "everything you can fit in the blender" shake. Didn't end well..
Well I blew a guy I barely know in full view of a homeless camp. That's pretty tame for me.
Thank god for federal credentials. Waaaaayyyy to hungover to go through airport security lines right now.
I really wanted to pound but her roomate was making mac n cheese n shit so I was trying to time her moans to the drone of the microwave
I have never fucking hated the horrible sound of dozens of off-key recorders BLARING their fucked rendition of "Fais Do-Do" in unison against the screams of an adult male... more than I do now. This is why people avoid teaching. Kill me. End it all.
His encouragement of my recreational drug use is the backbone of our nonrelationship. That, and rough animal sex and loud music.
I totally just pulled my thong out of my purse at the grocery store. Oops.
Nothing like casual arson to brighten your day
I guess I called her at 2am, demanding that she bring us food. She told us to order pizza, and I yelled "DON'T MENTION PIZZA!" I recall nothing.
You fucked him, didn’t you?
He showed up at my house with tacos, rum and a negative Covid test. Of course I fucked him. I’m just a simple girl that likes tacos, not Margaret Thatcher!
She dry humped my leg in the raw while I was still dressed, came, and then fell asleep on top of me. All I got was a bruised thigh. 2020 needs to end.
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