Honestly I wish you never came into my life. I know I don't want you. But I keep trying to get you back bc of the memories
I don't see you I see the memories. All the time
I said ACK before Andy Samberg made it even remotely funny. That tool is stealing all my lines.
Yeah, you've definitely been jizzing in your pants years before he made it socially acceptable
we went back to her place to bone only to find her boyfriend having sex.. with MY girlfriend
I got a lap dance until she said they wipe of the poles between each dance to clear the "std slime", i couldnt even masterbate at home it was a horrible military monday
You know I'm really starting to enjoy being everyones first gay experience
He was so drunk that he tried to backflip off a baby chair.. How do you think that ended?
I'm leaving my hospital band on when we go drinking tonight. I'm aiming for pity sex.
Keep it up. It gets easier when you turn 21. Something happens in people's brains when they turn 21 and all of a sudden you have the power to drink constantly and abuse drugs and still graduate with good grades and your shit together. Im almost positive I read it in my freshman year bio textbook
Well, our assistant supervisor caught us on the back stairs...he invited us on a double date with his fiance and him. I guess our job approves of the relationship?
Id prob hit it, but i instagram edited her picture to make her look better. Ha. She should fuck me just for that.
I woke up to pizza pinned to my wall. So that's that.
Interesting, I was always told to run away from crazy, but you seem to think we should run towards them dick first.
Just threw up in a baggy on the airplane. The guys next to me clapped and bought me a jack and coke.
Livin the dream
sorry bout the carpet, but you DID call it "blackout punch" not "don't vom on my floor punch"
Also fucking you night and morning and then serving your parents breakfast is a bit awkward. And funny. To me.
Randomize
