He looked like the mexican version of Steve Carrell with a unibrow.
you think thats bad? Today I had to pop a zit on my sack.
I shagged another guy with one ball last night. Are there really that many dudes with one nut in la or am I just a magnet for prostetic testes?
I just made easy mac in my blender. Beat that.
battery dying...get laid and text me after...or during...its whatever.
I apologize in advance for attempting to drunkenly hookup with your sister
I saw you eating fruit and doing shots off people passed out
According to FB I fucked in a field 365 days ago.
So we just left her at the hospital. She is not ruining my Monday night
You thanked your mom for the gymnastic lessons so you could do a keg stand
She answered the door wearing a basket, said it was the only clean thing she had.
He's my ex's boss. I'm not above sleeping with him for that fact alone.
You gotta come over now. He is eating cupcakes while they are still in the foil.
WTF. I was 99% sure I went straight home last night. I just woke up hugging a chair, and my tux pocket has a flask filled with what I think is red bull and gatorade. This has to be your doing.
really who shits their pants then locks themselves out of their apartment? ... I threw my underwear out in a random bathroom
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