the only human I can compare her to is rosie o'donnell.
I need $500 dollars more than I need a night of dignity... I gonna do it.
I've gotta stop getting kicked out of bars for fighting with people over the accuracy of the Harry Potter movie.
I may or may not have traded sexual favors for Disney on Ice tickets.
Hurry up and get here I'm judging myself
I had to steal sneakers from my man of the night. I dipped. But then realized I left my purse in his house. So I had to stash the shoes in some bushes and wait for him on the stoop. Then after he watches me leave, I run back and get the shoes cuz I didn't wanna be taking my hour long journey home through London at 3 pm in my six inch wedges and club dress
At Walgreens. I'm getting condoms and a bottle of water so that I'm not "just getting condoms". I don't think I'm fooling anyone though.
Nothing like coming home and finding the nearly full bottle of fireball you forgot you had stashed before your trip
It's the little things
She was dressed as a banana and told me that I needed more potassium in my diet. Of course I went down on her.
Update: I spent 10 minutes trying to fish out a rogue vagina weight.
First time a guy goes down on me and his dog had its head on my knee the whole time. I swear it was judging me.
I am such a fucking liability at weddings. I ended up making out with this married 40-year-old that told me that basically if I came home with him and be a sex partner for him and his wife, I would never have to pay for anything again. Extremely considered it.
the police dropped me off. that's how my night went.
Lol. I liked you the most when we were banging random girls and trying to tag team everything. You were happier then.
Can you cover for me after lunch? I’ve never seen a guy who cums as much as my new Side Dick so now I need to clean the house before my husband gets home
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