I just added her as a friend on Facebook. I met her 5 minutes ago and there are already more than 50 pics of me uploaded... from other nights.
I'm at McDonalds and when I walked up to the register the guy said "I'm so sorry." Before I said a word. That's how bad my hangover is.
I'm about to tackle a 10 year old off a sea doo
There's a transgender game of twister in the basement...God doesnt want me to type this paper.
So my girlfriend used a threesome to tell me she wanted to leave me for a girl... Not entirely sure how I should feel about that.
I just brought the toaster out onto the porch to light a cigarette, don't talk to me about being desperate.
I keep replaying commercials about kittens frolicking and was crying nonstop. WILL MY PERIOD LAST FOREVER!?
Just blew my age on the breathalyzer. I also have 8 stitches in my head. So worth a .22 though. All time record.
She screams like she's just fallen out of a helicopter when she cums.
Hey! Where are you? It's Irrisponsible Patio time and you're not here firing shots down summer student's throats
This little girl and her dad are walking behind me. "Why is he wearing pajamas?" Mind your own business, kid.
how fucking stupid do you have to be to think I'm going to accept your friend request months after falling asleep during one night stand sex?
Don't come back. They don't have pants.
Oh god.
God has nothing to do with this.
we need to open a bar. a bar with... wait for it... A FUCKING BALL PIT.
LOL. Do you guys need a ride home?
No. we're home already. i just thought it was a brilliant fucking idea.
Last night I made out with two lesbians while dancing with another girl. I'm pretty sure it wasn't even real life.
Randomize
