Your dad touched me again.
Yet again my drunken self has managed to find his way into the middle of nowhere with no shoes or recollection of what happened last night.
Then I guess you don't remember me driving you there after you tried making out with my girlfriend, dipshit.
Wearing a Sarah Lawrence sweatshirt is like wearing a shirt that says, "I'm getting a degree in substitute teaching."
So apparently when he was telling people he was in Alaska for 6 months he was actually in jail
Just to clear things up. I did not walk in on him jacking off to your facebook profile.
We ran out of wine so we are trying the absinthe you brought over from Spain like 3 years ago. Please call me at noon tomorrow. If we die, its your fault
I am going to make your legs soar from cumming so much
Like they're going to fly away?
it's gotten to the point where there are no existing good choices. even our good choices are bad choice by anyone's standards but ours.
I owe you cheese. The drunk munchies don't acknowledge food ownership.
I just singed the hair in my nose trying to re-light a joint. now all i can smell is burnt hair. day ruiner
Her mom is a nurse who got called in to declare someone dead. Just got wing manned by a corpse.
Remember that girl from my stats. class that I ran into at the bar 2 weeks ago? She literally hasn't been to class once since I told her I sit behind her.
I have work in an hour and I'm having trouble with concepts such as 'staying upright' and 'staying conscious'. Tie me to your wrist next time we go out drinking,
He's standing in the corner rubbing his nipples and reflecting on poor life choices
Do you feel better now that you've sent me a picture of your dick?
Yep.
Randomize
