How much cunt could a cunt bag punch if a cunt bag could punch cunt?
i cant get the smell of ass out of my nose
if you count grabbing my crotch as an introduction then yeah i got a couple of those tonight
walking around pouring bird seed on passed out guys in the quad.
Well anything after a French guy would have been a disappointment. But I'm fairly certain he was just trying to masturbate into me.
Throwing up in his bed is not a step up in your relationship
Give me a second. I'm doing my best but I'm drunk so for some reason fitting both my boobs in the pic is just incredibly difficult. They aren't THAT big. I'm just being retarded.
Let's fuck under the stars. And by under the stars I mean in my bed underneath my glow in the dark star stickers.
What part of don't open in front of your kids didn't you understand? Astroglide, magnums, fuzzy handcuffs and a blindfold are going to be hard to explain as friends presents.
Yup, two strangers look up at each other and realize the only connection they have is the dead woman they banged to death below them. Magic. They have to be best friends now.
Clothes make me feel like a responsible adult and that's just not something I'm ready to handle.
That's the second time the same cop pulled me over well a different girl was giving me road head
IT'S A GIANT FUCKING ROBOT, DUDE. LOGIC IS OUT OF THE QUESTION BECAUSE AWESOME.
His sister gave me the "if you hurt him I will break your neck" talk. I didn't know how to tell her we're not a couple.
There are footprints all over my windshield
You said you were making waffles...
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