Iced coffee. Banana. Two dumps. Life is good.
I just woke up my dad to tell him that i made out with the drummer. He wasnt as excited as I was.
i just found a bag of weed behind my capital one card. i guess that's what's in my wallet.
I think I could pass a breathalyzer. But with like a C.
Just finished my law exam. Questions 4-18 seemed to pertain specifically to things we've done this semester.
just fucked my old babysitter, gotta love block parties
just caught a 10 year old kid staring at my dick next to me in the urinal. i just nodded to him and said yeah, mines bigger little dude. i gotta stop drinking in public....
Game over. He has a paternity test request on his table.
I took a hang over nap infront of the door to my 9am class
Oh boy. Send him a care package with laxative cookies and alcohol. So he can shit himself while he's passed out drunk.
I went through his pics. Will you go with me to get tested?
Nah. After about 5 shots he decided he needed to clean the gutters. We're headed to the hospital now so meet us there.
Nothing more ironic than raw dogging some random Asian hottie last night and then doing the walk of shame home from her place mixed in with the participants of the AIDS walk
Let's put a bunch of beers in a backpack and shotgun them in a Red Lobster bathroom
Have you ever gotten such awesome underwear you wish you didnt have to wear pants?
Randomize
