I just cut my nipple shaving
Im watching hello kitty on qvc debating if its a good idea to cook bagel bites on my space heater
So there is a guy driving a robot around the college of engineering selling energy drinks
Now for something completely different: ive figured out how to eat a banana without insinuating something completely naughty
Why am I the only one concerned that there's a dog in the movie theatre?
listening to happy ending by mika while imagining him to run after me at an aiport in slow motion... also, dipping oreos in baileys. not taking this breakup well. at. all.
First day of class and I'm in a bar drinking pitcher #3. Foreshadowing?
please tell me why my pillow is wearing your thong...
...i wondered where i left that...
The only thing that made me get out of bed this morning was knowing that tonight, I don't plan on remembering what happened today
Have you ever realized how cool bread is? Like so many things taste good on it. Like its crazy to think that peanut butter and turkey can both taste good on the same thing.
When the neighbors threatened to call the cops, he yelled at them that American laws didnt apply to him because he was Danish. He then sang his own version of "America fuck yeah" along to daft punk, then fell down the porch steps. Can we keep him?!?!
OHMYGOD I LITERALLY JUST FINISHED JERKING OFF AND MY MOM BUSTS IN AND HANDS ME A BABY WHAT THE FUCK IS GOING ON IN MY HOUSE JESUS H CHRIST!
Look, when i woke up this morning, I had every intention of being a responsible twenty-five year old, cleaning up, making my budget, and filing my taxes. Its just I got siderailed by pot and downloading classic Disney songs, because fuck adulthood; everyone loves Disney.
The dysfunction is strong in this one.
Pretty sure my aunt hooked up with one of my brothers frat brothers at his graduation party
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