She sucked her thumb until she was 17. It's like my dick was born to be in her mouth.
I just told my sister I love her. I'm in no condition to drive.
All I really need to know is how to say "where is the bathroom" and "I don't take it in the butt anymore". I think that will suffice.
You have permanently scared my back with your nails. I would like to congratulate you on a job well done.
We thought she was passed out on the toilet, but she raised her head to tell me the word I couldn't remember was "empathize." Then she puked blood and passed out.
So I passed out with my boxers on in the hotel jacuzzi at 5am.. The manager who kicked me out was pretty cute so I left my name and number for her at the front desk. I'm giving it a 50/50 she calls.
It's an "im going to have to shit with the lights off" type of morning
Time for jim to play the "dont seriously consider pooping in the trash" game
Besides the fact that the only male who has shown an interest in me in the last 5 months has a strange and unfortunate resemblance to fucking Frodo, I've been good thanks
No my first time having an orgasm with you will not be on face time
I'm closer to stabbing a fork in my neck than finishing this resume.
Gotta get new sheets. ..I fucked the satin off mine.
Is it bad that I'm using the photo I took for my fake ID as my linkedin profile pic?
I don't even have his number. I have his pants tho
When you start lapping your martini like a cat it's time to go home. Partys over.
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