I would never have sex with Danny Devito!! JSYK.
she offered me iced tea and went to go change.then her dad came in the door.i thought i was on how to catch a predator.
I thought if I stared at him long enough he'd walk me to my car. but he didn't. he dddidn't. i rreally thought i had those powers.
we turned studying into a drinking game, she drinks when she gets it right, i drink when she gets it wrong. so we'll be out soon
I'll be honest, not actually surprised to find half a Big Mac box and bits of broken security glass by the sofa.
If i need to get strippers involved i will.
98% is good enough for me. Kinda like birth control. Worth the risk
Just saw a woman in bootie shorts and a winter coat at the library. God. Bless. Prostitutes.
Just realized I'm going to have to make you sign a non-disclosure agreement before my wedding.
Fuck off I wasn't that drunk. I was still able to toss froot loops in the air and catch them in my mouth.
And in your bra. It was quite entertaining.
We kind of broke a table making out. So yes, I'd say it was successful.
Are you in a position where you can bring me some nachos?
we've never stayed at a party for more than an hour. we always end up at a pizzaria. by ourselves. with no friends.
what else are best friends for?
WE ARE DOING DRUGS AND GOING TO THE STRIP CLUB SATURDAY LADIES
I don't even remember what dignity looks like anymore. I JUST WANTED TO ROAST SOME POTATOES
Randomize