You threw up. And every time you flushed you would wave and go "Bye Bye!" and then when the new water came you would greet it with "Helloooo!"
I didnt expect it either. But she was there and I had a boner, so i made it happen.
Just found out my mom's voicemail password is 6969..
first day of class and my professor asked me if i was going to come to class drunk all semester.
is it bad that I didn't wash the cum out of my hair because it keeps my curls intact?
I apparently spent $173 at the bar last night. The proof is in the vomit on my pillow and the receipt I tried to clean it up with.
its time for step 4 of getting over him: post his number on the transvestite page on craigs list asking for pics
Listen man this isn't about soccer. It's about America and day drinking... Your two favorite things now get your ass over here
Well, on the plus side, the hospital gave me a shirt that says "Makes a bad ass look good"
I think, at this point, getting pissed and declaring my love via reality TV would be an improvement
He just whispered "doors are weird" and then laughed so hard he fell down the stairs.
He fed me jello shota while i was sitting on the toilet and then he peed in the shower
DESTROY DICK DECEMBER\nTHE SUN SHINES ON THE THIRSTY
Do not tell me I cant do drunk math ever again, AND I made a creative way of telling him I want him to fuck me.
Well. Another one of my exes came out of the closet.
Randomize
