am i the only one who has tried sucking their own cock????
he just flicked a booger into my mouth and shouted "goaaaal!"
It's official. I'm a squirter. Wasn't a one time thing.
ugh the "ive seen you naked on the internet" look is really getting tiring
You tipped the bathroom lady $20 and then yelled "IT'S YOUR LUCKY DAAAAAAAY" at her.
well as your friend its only fair to offer my cock for your services. Cause I care.
After a certain blood-alcohol level, the dog is in charge.
Oh, and trying to figure out who wants to do Molly in a frat is like asking damn children if they want puppies and candy. So just bring as much as possible.
When you give the bridesmaid toast someday at my wedding I need you to quote Ricky Bobby in some form. And slip in your sister has the vagina of awesomeness. That is all.
That moment when you notice a tiny IR camera pointing at you, in your bed, at the apartment you found on Craigslist.
He also has scotch. LOTS AND LOTS of scotch. I think you'd like him!
That is always a wonderful personality trait!
So... remember when you threw an orange in the closet when we were 16 to make wine? Just found it. Not wine.
She's astronaut crazy. She will wear Depends and drive 12 hrs non-stop if you swipe right.
Challenge accepted
Noo not in a booty call way, in a 'How are your abs and penis doing today?' sort of way.
I did what i always do when i miss him; masturbate and watch Bridges of Madison County.
Randomize
