then he goes, "ok, i have to go talk to the girl i'm semi-talking to/dating and see if i'm in trouble" WHAT IS MY LIFE?!
Guess what I'm doing tomorrow?
Becoming a productive member of society?
Sam. Come on.
Literally he has the smallest penis I've ever felt since 8th grade.
How do you have time to get laid so much in law school?
I like to set goals for myself. for example, he was my first libertarian
When his Irish accent comes out my uterus hums. Or some productive organ down there, I'm not sure of the logistics
You just kept shouting "I AM AN ADULT!" until he agreed to carry you home on his shoulders.
There's some band that practices next door to my apartment. I'm thinking we may need to check that out. I could be like, "Hey boys, thought you might like some lemonade and vagina."
Fingerblasting some girl on the deck tryna get her to fuck on a lifeboat
I think I ripped my underwear last night doing drunk squats
yeah, never be friends with someone with shitty eyebrows.. they obviously already make poor life choices
And as the acid sets in, he looks back at the shallow form he used to call his and whispers "3 pee pees strong"
all the one night stand stories i have end with me crying on my RA's floor stuffing cupcakes into my mouth
7% of guys ive been with can get me off... I did the math!
just got back. in my inebriated state i broke an ugly lamp and was sent to the store (still drunk) to get a new one. just spent last half hour in isle 3 of dollar general surounded by more ugly lamps and trying not to throw up on each and every single one.
She pooped on me during a reverse cowgirl. And it wasn't a little bit either.
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