she tasted like a mixture of sweat and destiny
Sex on a trampoline was so worth getting a mosquito bite on my penis
honestly, magaritas are the void men can't fill.
Giving the kids Children's Claritin and calling it candy.....Is it setting them up for drug abuse later?
They told me I stole 50 buns and a bottle of mayo and would whisper in their ears to look under my shirt to see what was for breakfast... benefit of starting to drink at 9 am
we where pretty evenly matched until he threw me through that wall
If you can't accept "I'm sorry I was mean to you" bjs from 19 year old girls, then who can you
Oh no, we smoked the revival weed. It came in a Batman bag. It hit like justice. And orphans.
I honestly don't think it will ever get topped. Unless a real female cop arrests me, then fucks me. That's it.
He saw one of my bras on the floor and said "damn you could eat soup out of this"
I think I've forgotten how to blink. Help plz?
i can't even hate his new girlfriend cuz she survived a fucking brain tumor. like that's just not fair.
Her hotness level dropped from an 8 to a 2 as soon as I walked into her place. It REEKED of cat piss and there was no litter box and NO CATS.
I was gonna be Romantic and write your name in emoji eggplants but A's are hard
Sometimes being bisexual is a curse. Turns out I banged both of her older twin brothers last summer.
Randomize
