The two bassists just totally made out. I NEED MENNA'S RIGHT now.
I think the sex offender registry is kind of a VIP list. You get to not live near noisy schools and parks and all your neighbors get to know you.
I just saw a kid drop his lollipop on the floor of best buy, kick it because he was pissed off and then pick it up and eat it. I think I have a long lost son.
I just texted him to come over because I want to see if his hand fits the handprint bruise on my ass.....I feel like the cinderella of S&M
His ankle bracelet only gets in the way when I'm trying to take off his pants.
He practically bottle-fed me Jameson, like I was a baby chimpanzee on those nature specials.
when he was about to finish he told me to avert my eyes and keep my lady parts away. chivalry isnt dead.
no, that was the night I slathered your dick in the icing from my birthday cake
Aqua-barf. When you are about to puke in the toilet but pass out face first instead...and then puke. WITH YOUR FACE IN THE BOWL. There is no escaping the puke ring you have on your face. I know first hand.
There just aren't enough words in the English language to convey my deep and abiding love of your cock. So I am beefing up on my Portuguese.
My wife ladies and gentlemen! Love ya babe.
I was wearing my get used bookstore shirt when we fucked. Ironic yet appropriate.
He told me he was married and then fingered me on the kitchen counter. It was awkward to explaining the broken toaster to my roommates this morning...
he had a Pillsbury dough boy tattoo to remind him of his drug dealing days
I can assure you I didn't go home with a girl, because I woke up on someone's porch
I just want somebody who'll randomly bring me pizza and lovingly squeeze my butt. Is there a dating app for that, do you think?
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