So he says "lean over this" which is a chain across the doorway, held into the wall with bolts. I do. Then he puts his weight on top of me to try and get it in.
It breaks. We fall.
I now have a broken nose, a concussion, and an infected, split lip. Why do I have the worst luck in guys?
at 4 in the morning i heated a family sized mac n cheese for a minute and decided to eat it frozen cuz I didn't wanna wait for that long
Is it gay to rub my penis between my butt cheeks and pretend that they're tits?
Wow! You need to get laid.
the semester is winding down: time to procrastinate by googling cheap keg options
and that's why he's hiding in the taco suit
wanna get hammered and throw tomatoes at the people standing in line for the midnight showing of harry potter and yell whichcraft is evil
My vagina is depressed thinking about her future.
My girlfriend is studying for the MCAT by watching The Magic Schoolbus. There go my dreams of being a househusband.
We are magical, pot smoking, smart as hell, single as fuck, woodland dolphins.
You know how I know she's ugly? 97% of her profile pics are flowers or animals. And what do we know about pretty people and the Internet?
Pssh I just bang a girl in a single person tent. Thats like the back seat of a sedan.
I was stuffing my vagina with gummy bears last night having him eat them out of me. Team Haribo for the win!
I'm shaking a cocktail while in bed. Is that bad?
I’m sorry I pressured you for dick pics.
The gift for sixth anniversary is steel. He bought me handcuffs. Inee I married the right man!
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