Consumer Beware: Redhead has herpes.
These 3 days between Christmas and new years when all the bosses are on vacation are essentially a competition to see who can do the least amount of work
Definitely just saw a grown man at wal mart wearing high heels and carrying a baby
What the fuck were you doing at wal mart?
Is there any way to un-invite somebody to a wedding? I just checked out the other family, and I can't have a cockblock there.
Don't try to dry clothes in the microwave. They'll catch on fire.
my goal is to not remember how i make a living by 9pm saturday night
There were so few words spoken that I'm not sure if it was make-up or break-up sex.
Your French couch surfers have just started playing flip cup with old crow. Basically you need to come back here
She busted her face in a tragic twerking accident. Marking the 2nd time I have peed my pants laughing.
I think he just tried to put your boyfriend in a trashcan....
I know it was a good night because I got a lecture from my roommates mom about stranger danger
Well, I dont really know how much penis you have at your disposal so I cant be sure
I or someone else dumped a lot of glitter into my boobs last night.
dude you know how i got totally hammered and lost my phone at some frat when i came to visit you two months ago? yeah well someone mailed it back to me in minnesota.. with a picture of a cock as the screen savor
I'll be coming off of 7 days of not drinking. No horse tranqs either. I haven't been this sober since I was in the womb
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