are you wasted or are you getting laid?
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wow
She accidentally pre-ordered us Dominos for the next day at 11:30am... we were very confused when we woke up.
my feelings for you are synonymous with those of a grizzly bear and salmon. i don't want to nom on you; but i need you to survive
So basically i got outta bed and started peeing on the a/c unit..when my roommate tried to stop me i looked at him and said "i got this"
Dude she has starbursts in her sports bra. I feel like this is counter productive.
I also found a beer label in my bra and I'm pretty sure you put it there and said "this means I trust you"
You flew out of the bedroom, stole two Solo cups from the beer pong table, put them on your feet, clicked your heels together three times
Welcome to the single world where it seems vibrator batteries are in short supply and making a sandwich while naked at 2am is relatively normal
You were drunk at 5 You went to the dining hall and cried because your brain and fingers weren't working. Your RA came up to you and suddenly you became sober. I was very proud of you.
all i want in life is a shot and a cock is that too much to ask
There's a possibility I may have hooked up with that British guy...
Possibility? You left the door open! Everyone saw!
He fucked me for my Netflix login, I fucked him for his HBO login, and actually I think that's beautiful
Over Bumbled last night. I think I set my dog up on a date Sunday afternoon. I have to drive him, meet the other dog’s dad and secretly drink a bottle of champagne from a “water bottle”. This is not what I expected 30 to be like.
I bet you my entire life savings of $0 that there's a Doctor Who porn parody and that it features the sonic screwdriver being inserted into some cavities
Would you like to get a drink then hook up or reverse order I don't really care. Hopefully you can keep this between us.
Randomize
