Youll never guess who has to go to fucking planned parenthood because trojan cant make a fucking condom
hahaha my homeschooled cousin put up graduation pictures. it's just her standing in front of her fire place. With a hand made diploma.
it was like, one of those nights where you keep going back to the fridge because you just can't get full. except, with sex.
She just landed. Popped over for a BJ and left. I'm a fan of layover layovers.
There seems no grander way to celebrate 420 than to smoke atop a mountain peak.
We don't watch enough power rangers
Well, I watched a girl proposition a shit ton of people, try to take a cocktail waitresses job and then proceed to walk into a wall. Damn, I'm a little jealous.
I had a dream that I had to take a breathalyzer but then it turned out to be a bong....why can't that be real life?
My bar tender texts me around 5ish and ask what I feel like, so it's ready for me when I get home. All star service.
Dude. You are the LAST person that should live above a bar.
My brother just text me asking if I was ready for the blowjob of my life.
Is it against health code to come into work half drunk and commando?
I just found those cheese sticks in my purse. Along with a handful of confetti.
my roommate had drunk sex above me in our bunk bed and then built me a fort to apologize the next day
I mean, I was expecting a little more coke snorting and a little less kids and cake
Nothing wrong with a little cat scratch fever. You have toys?
A few, plus a dildo molded from a porn star that I've always been too intimidated of to actually use, but it's the apocalypse, and momma didn't raise no quitter.
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