Oh shit, I think we need to get you a hobby that doesn't include penises
she was definitely wearing a bumpit. i think it was the hollywood bumpit. i told her that i lived with my parents to get outta taking her home.
What I'm saying is Afghanistan is America's sexually contracted disease.
I just watched my mom open a wine bottle with an electric drill. I have never been so proud.
when she said she's going upstairs to put her "play clothes" on, I knew either she was a pervert or a kindergarten teacher. Either way, I wasn't going to leave. She's a pervert by the way.
I thought about donating plasma but thats not the way i want to find out that i have aids
He blew a .19 and then slurred "well I did have some rum cake earlier today officer".
Dropping the entire last roll of TP into the toilet is a hurt you don't want to know.
Hey remember that spam cooked in dr pepper we made? 10x better when the dr pepper is rum
So yeah, don't be alarmed when you come home after work to find me eating cookie dough out of a margarita glass with a knife and watching The Little Mermaid. It's been one of those days.
I just want to eat my penis shaped food in front of you and see how you feel about it.
i don't know when underwear became an acceptable clothing choice for parties, but god help me i hope this isn't a passing trend.
Attention, i sprayed windex on me to disguise the scent of sex and regret off my clothes from last night
He's finally divorcing her, so naturally he tells me that we're not exclusive anymore. His penis 'wants what it wants' apparently.
I've got two reasons for you to come over later and one of them is pierced.
Randomize
