I was just making a list of the girls i have slept with and i can't remember your sisters name
so stoned i ashed in my jack and coke like 4 times. drinking it anyway
Ways to know you did something wrong: you sugar-coated it for your therapist.
The cop only confirmed I'm .22% Irish. Then I threw up on him.
I just masterbated while imagining him getting hit by a truck. I have hit a completely unacceptable level of anger & bitterness. Help.
He just kept petting my ear and informing me that I wasn't one of the guys
what the fuck is a social media consultant, who does she consult for, and how bad is she at it? her facebook account is currently hacked and posting ads for the ipad 2 on my newsfeed
I don't even want to think about the kind of person who would shit in the street before 10pm on a Sunday.
I made out with a mom and her daughter and got a black eye, so yeah, my birthday went well
I forgot to lock the bathroom door. He walked in, saw me on the toliet, nodded, and walked back out.
In other news, the one guy I DIDN'T have sex with in High School is now famous.
I couldn't really understand you because you were really quiet and I said "I don't know what you're saying, it's kind of a big mumble" and you said "that sums up my life"
You drunk? Cause I have a terrible idea...
Bacon and your penis are involved. Of course I'm going over.
I peed in Andys sink the other day bc I didnt want him to hear me pee
Randomize
