Dude you just kept yelling "She was my first asain!" right in front of her.
So I just found out that my mom and dad arent married
What? They have three kids?
Yep. And apparently I have a half brother. Happy Birthday to me
So I just used shazaam to figure out a pairs figure skating song. I don't think I could get any gayer.
i want the original willy wonka imagination song to come on when i take a girl to my room
It's chlamydia! Thank God!
Do you think we're allowed to sign male strippers into the building with a valid id?
what if his mom answers? its like high school, but hes 30
I think rendering her infertile would be a valid community service project
there was a kid getting taken out of the waterpark handcuffed to a wheelchair singing "tryna catch me ridin dirty"
SIMBAAAA REMEBER WHO YOU ARE
Just accidentally walked into a parade for Jesus
It's Valentine's Day, I figure for sure we'll have sex today, right? Wrong. I tried unsuccessfully for like an hour to get him to fuck me. Now he's asleep and I'm on my way to join the public library.
He shit with the door open. I think that means we are in a realtionship.
you were on all fours in the front yard puking, but managed to hand the pizza delivery guy a beer and to have a nice day.
guess who smoked weed with their grandpa tonight. and no it wasn't me.
Randomize
