Lost. The hour! Funtime!!!!
I didnt attack him, I heard I threw a chair at him- big difference. And you know Im not a creep so whatever
I wish Michael J Fox could read me bedtime stories
He could rock you to sleep
Why the fuck is BBQ sauce coming out of my shower head?
Just to clear things up. I did not walk in on him jacking off to your facebook profile.
I also would have accepted most things ending in "job", erotic favors, and food.
I just saw a girl on crutches doing a walk of shame. She is either super dedicated, or her night didn't go as planned.
"Let's chug a beer then make out" doesn't sound as nice, but it would prob make him cum right there.
I went up by the border of Canada. We took shrooms and went fishing...pretty sure we killed a dragon and ate it for dinner
And my parents said I crawled through the house
no it was
but you compared your dick to a female disney character
Things that happen while I poop: I start dating someone
I don't know. Seeing the vagina stretched out beyond normal proportions is like watching your favorite superhero die.
I'm gonna have to start putting baby wipes and a change of pants in my bag. The amount of times I'm scared of shitting my pants in public is too high and I need the reassurance
Hot guy next to me on the flight lives near my grandparents. There’s a 100% chance I end up drunk and naked in his hot tub
Happy Thanksgiving to me!!!
Randomize
