Well maybe next time you won't tell me to do whatever I want.
You should swallow it and be like the ticking crocodile. Only you play Still of the Night.
You totally narrated your dogs thoughts for 2 and a half hours last night, and I was enthralled. I didn't say one word, I just listened.
I gave you a 45 minute blowjob. You were inside me for 3 minutes. I'm going to need you to get your shit together.
Judging by the amount of alcohol multiplied by the amount of her exes here, tonight will be ending in tears.
I woke up with my bra stapled to the ceiling, her dad was in the hallway winking at me. I was the less drunk of the bunch.
True life. I have to get a nose job due to a deviated septum from blowing coke. Thank you college.
I shit you not, me and my date were in that bar and within a 10 minute window, 4 ex gf's entered. Every one clocked me and gave me evils. I swear they're conspiring.
The random guy I fucked from craigslist said I had the best smile. I take compliments where i can get them
On a side note Tyler is buying beer from a gas station in a panda suit priceless
I just want nice things and good sex
You just referred to a pillow with a stolen bra strapped to it as "she". Let that sink in for a minute.
Are we at that point yet where I can just say "I want you to sit on my face"? If not, want to go out for "drinks"?
I think I achieved my goal of being high for 24 hours in the same week I promised myself I wouldn't smoke anymore
we started drinking at 4pm, somehows its 1 am im in bathing suit running from the cops.....any explanation of what happened?
Randomize
