you sent me 45 texts saying "meow?"
did i?
Stop. You don't mean that. Tequila might mean that. But you don't mean that.
At Wal-Mart last night I watched two guys scramble for $4.34 to pay for a pack of ping pong balls and red solo cups. They had to put the .34 on a credit card. Winter break begins!
I thanked her for the handjob she gave me in the middle of the night. She had no idea what i was talking about. I think she sleep-jerked-me-off. Im def sleeping over tonight too
The glockenspiel player has some booze though so hopefully the ride won't be that bad
if you really think there are plastic pots safe for the stove i fear for your future landlords.
It was either a cute kinda butch tomgirl or a really fem guy. Either way, I made out with it. Bisexuality, my best friend.
I have a feeling that watching gay porn with you was the reason I was dancing in a hurricane of floating dicks in my dream last night.
She told me my dick looked like a baby seal wrapped in a sleeping bag.
This is embarrassing but i think i might have left my fake tooth at your house on your night stand.
Well shit, I would've slept with him if I knew he was gonna be in the draft.
I just heard your voicemail. Glad you like my dick and think I'm cool
I was so high last night I honestly think my tears were medicinal
I hate that I still want him to look at me as the vagina that got away.
Do you ever look at your life and go "i'm too sober for this bullshit"?
Every day of my life.
Randomize
