A girl just told me I should smile because I was surrounded by hot girls. I told her that clearly beauty was in the eye of the beholder. And she slapped me!
SOME GIRL GOT MAGGOTS IN HER COOCH FROM EXPERIMENTING WITH MAYO!
I wish i could be on x for the rest of my life.
he's werid. hell kiss me after i go down on him but he wont kiss me after i eat anything with mustard.
I lost my keys but found four buffalo wings in my pockets
Ideas for halloween. We need simple yet hilarious. Cheap yet effective. Slutty yet acceptable. Go.
Fuckers are stealing our internet and making my porn stream slowly so I changed the password for VanceRefrigeration to RyansaCunt. No spaces but capitalization.
My younger brother just got high fives from all my guy cousins for fucking my best friend. I hate family gatherings.
nothin like your phone freezing up and sending out old booty calls at 11am on a sunday. fml.
When I tell my children how I survived hurricane Sandy I'll probably leave out the threesome
We call her skankles because she's a skank and she has cankles, I thought that was obvious
He also deemed that the fact that I couldn't log into Netflix was not an emergency. He's wrong.
Are you aware that you called your mom to say hi before you dragged the random guy into bed last night?
I just found your shirt hanging in a tree 4 blocks from the party...in the opposite direction of your house. where are you going?
A girl I had a drunken hook up with is on interventon right now
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