gavin joseph was born around 1 oclock 9lbs 12oz... over 21 inches long
Thats what she said
I just queefed in yoga class and now the old man next to me is smiling at me.
I woke up next to her will a oven mit taped to my cock. Dear god, I might have tried to use it as a condom.
I used the lotion his mom gave me for christmas to give him a hand job. It felt so wrong.
It's totally ok to sleep with him. The only place I have feelings for him is in my vagina.
This is the point in ur life where u should realize there's nothing left but a spiral of shame
I should but I don't. All I see is an escalator of success
Her boobs take up a lot of room so God had to skimp on the brains
The girl I was Skype sexing just asked for a moment of silence for robin Williams.
The more I drank he just got hotter and hotter. And then the mustache didn't look too bad
I am naked, and drinking straight gin with a flat tonic chaser. I had such greater hopes for myself as a child.
yea...tonic water is fucking gross.
If I'm legally allowed to go to jail than I should legally be allowed to tell a cop to fuck off. Basic principles.
Yea, but did you really have to throw a sandwich at him??
why the hell did we go to a rave last night?
we didn't?
definitely went to a bar with strobe lights
JENNIFER. You passed out in a toilet with a color changing light in it.
How does it make you feel that I can't control my vagina around you?
i just woke up in my dog's bed, on my parents floor, my outfit on backwards, and a bottle of lube poured down my pocket.
I refuse to take any type of advice let alone love advice from a motherfucker who is missing 3 fingers from a Fucked up masturbating accident.
Randomize
