Did you fuck her?
If by "fuck her" you mean "threw up on her shoes," then yes, I achieved that.
well. it's seven AM and i'm too high to hula hoop.
Her boobs were tiny. I could have used her bra as a blind fold. Which in hindsight would have made things a lot better.
He looked at me like he has never had a girl throw up on him before.
there's a guy pushing a keg up the street in a shopping cart. you have to love graduation
whoever put homecoming and halloween on the same weekend owes me a new liver and a get out of jail free card.
Well call me tomorrow, it's a great story that may lead to me being fired and/or possibly being buried in a shallow grave somewhere out in wine country.
Oh my god. He likes it up the butt. But loves womanly support. Omg. Its bad. Its bad. Ive had too much whiskey for this to be ANYthing except bad.
just saw sorostitutes streaking near the university president's house. thank you tequila day
Heard you had a bad day. I have vodka, chocolate and my dick here ready to put a smile back on your face.
Martha Stewart has had a one night stand and is unsure if she's had a threesome. I no longer feel slutty.
She's like a solid nine. Well maybe not a tomorrow morning nine, but she's a nine right now and trying to take me home.
Ur wingman ability is causing serious doubt
Ok first off its WAY easier if you are actually here
I need a drink and a shade of lipstick that will put the fear of God in a man's heart.
I tried to steal a Mike's Hard sign last night but it didn't work out
why what happened?
Well it was going fine.. until the bouncer noticed the three foot steel lemon sticking out of my jacket.
Randomize