Ninja stars and alcohol are a bad combo
Hey, don't feel sorry for me, the two girls in front of me just ordered 18 dollars worth of taco bell. Life could be worse.
she kept her crown on the whole time i was giving her birthday sex
Had sex five times today because there was nothing else to do. I had no idea snow days could get even better than when we were kids
I'm in his phone as "nashville blowjob" he also has "cleveland blowjob" "vegas blowjob" etc. i'm okay with this.
This inappropriate post strip club text brought to you by Cheetah of Palm Beach and vodka. Blowjob in the champagne room and the clap for the low low price of your paycheck.
You know you gotta reevaluate your life when the first thought that comes to mind after you wake up is 'at least I'm still alive'
I never woulda thought that back in kindergarten playong kickball that'd i'd be 24 getting plastered in front of the white house and winning a kickball championship in a young adult drinking league
Actually let's just focus our energy on not getting committed to a psych ward.
you said, 'he held out his hand, that means we don't have to pay' about the taxi driver, and then asked the doorman what happened to your pants...
I am putting together a break up mix and its pretty much the best of Phil Collins
It's accurate though. I am legitimately passionate about pickles. I crave pickles the same way I crave sex. It is a deep rooted animalistic need
Sometimes I look at dogs and just thing about how it's weird we both came from wolves
Lay off the drugs kid
That was the most spiritually awakened shit I have ever taken.
Fuck your fuckin pumpkin spice. You and your subtle differences frighten and disgust me.
Randomize
