Remember that time i walked in on your friend taking a huge shit?
Remember that time you hooked up with him?
THERE IS PRACTICALLY A BEER FUCKING WATERFALL
it was like a congratulatory penis slap
She pulled a wad of lint out of my bellybutton while she was blowing me. Said she's never seen anything like it. I've never gone soft so fast.
I don't think boys are aware how difficult it is to take a picture of your own ass.
Doing lines of coke through pieces of licorice. Because I can
Did you high five my face last night?
Yes. Yes I did.
How do you delicately ask if your friend's dad was arrested for solicitation of prostitution?
went to their party, left halfway through to fuck a pledge, came back to keep drinking. I think everyone won.
You've seen the quality of dick pics I normally get. The bar is high.
I'm out of milk so I'm dunking my Oreos in Bailey's; this is my life now.
She wouldn't fuck me because I had a cast, so I took her friend home
You just kinda wondered into the street and started screaming at dogs and small children...
HE’S PUKING UP BLOOD
okay all good I mistook strawberita for blood...
He showed up soaking wet with a flashlight and a ping pong ball. I couldn't say no
Well we've always known you have a weakness for guys with balls in their hands
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