I woke up, mistook him for my ex, and started screaming. It was all that chest hair. I don't think this relationship is going anywhere.
so I think I'm done having sex with her, she's way too crazy
what about the blowjobs for adderall?
no those are still okay
Everytime I think about NYE, my gag reflex kicks in.
He was singing "i gotta feeling" under his breath as i was pulling my top off.
Yeah, I just met her and we got arrested together. I think it was a good bonding experience.
Things found in my vomit last night: cell phone, Von Hayes rookie card, a boot, my dignity
he called you a drunk bob the builder and you proceeded to explain how you were going to build ramps throughout the house
Just woke up from a dream where you lived in a gingerbread house on a snowy cliff by the sea. The dolphins were swimming away from a giant dust storm. You REALLY ought to smoke this before bed tonight.
my favorite homeless guy just told me I drive like Batman, achievement unlocked
What an age we live in that I can try to pick up a guy by using my phone while I'm taking a shit at work.
I just commented on the education level of his penis.
If he cant deal with my insomnia and sex drive I really feel sorry for his child and ex fiance. Adulthood breakups are depressing.
I will 100% jerk off using my own tears as lube before I'd ever bang a 4.
My hangover headache is somewhere in the Harry Potter scar neighborhood. I can now empathize with that poor bastard.
I think I may have gotten way too used to using my boobs as an extra hand/pocket...almost stabbed myself in the chin bc I forgot I put my fork there
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